I read this in court at his sentencing on May 15. At first I wasn’t going to make a statement. But after I thought about it for a while, I realized that it’s something that I need to do, not just for me, but also for the boys. You can sit there and let your imagination run wild with all the pain that you caused the boys and me but you will never know how deep the pain goes. You took it upon yourself to destroy our family and you made that choice. But, now, me and the boys are picking up the pieces and building our new family. Here you sit and I have no idea what you are thinking and you know what, I don’t care. You got a two-year sentence. Well, I got a lifetime sentence. A lifetime of pain, not just my physical and emotional pain, but also the pain I see everyday when the boys talk about their “old father.” I didn’t destroy the image of their father. You did. Two of our boys watched as you beat and almost killed their mother. They actually wished they had one opportunity to see you, just to tell you how they feel about you. They have so much buried anger deep inside them, but fortunately, they have a lot of support to help them through that. I don’t know if you want to apologize or not, but don’t ever do that. You always told me that if you were sorry, you’d never do it in the first place. But, I honestly don’t believe that you’re sorry. I don’t think you have one ounce of remorse for what you did to me. You always told me that you had no conscience and I believe that’s true. If you do feel sorry in the least bit, it’s probably because of the punishment, not the crime itself. I knew our marriage was falling apart, but I never realized that you hated me and hated me so much that you wanted me dead. I have news for you. I did die that day. And then I was born again, a whole new woman. Hey, I’ve got a new face thanks to you. My face is in pain every day, and there’s a chance that I will never completely heal. I’m reminded of what you did to me every time I look in the mirror. I won’t be your victim anymore. I won’t be anyone’s victim. I intend to live my life as if it’s the last day I’ve got on this earth and I will take care of our boys until they can take care of themselves. I don’t know you anymore and you have no idea who I am anymore. Your wife died. Leave it at that. Don’t blame me or anyone or anything else for your problems. Don’t even try to think this was my fault in anyway. It wasn’t. It was all yours. I hope the time you spend in prison will give you time to think about everything you lost. Where you’re probably concerned about all your material things you lost, the largest and most prized thing you had was your family. Now it’s gone. The four of us are a family and you’re no longer part of it. I hope that god can forgive you, because I never will.

I am who I am I cannot be who you want me to be if that is not me. I have struggled, I have fought, and I have lived. This is me. I am who I am. I cannot be happier I cannot be sadder I can only feel what I feel This is me. I am who I am. I overcame my own death. I fight the battles of nightmares. I walk towards the light in the distance This is me. I am who I am. I cannot be old I cannot be young I can only be as old as I feel This is me. I am who I am My pain is my own I won’t be a burden I will share myself, but only so it doesn’t hurt you This is me. I am who I am. I know what I want. I know who I love. I know, really, who I am This is me. I am who I am. I’m stronger I’m afraid. I’m happier. I’m miserable. I’m loved. I love more. This is me I am who I am

I ran as fast as I could. Well, actually, no. I’ve run faster. A lot faster. I guess you never run as fast as you do when you run for your life. OK. I ran as fast I could at the time. Only this time, I ran for someone else, a lot of someone elses. When I tired, I walked. I kept a steady pace. I couldn’t believe it when I hit the one- mile mark. I thought, hey, this is easy. I was wrong. Very wrong. When I hit the two-mile mark, I contemplated giving up and just going home. My knees were killing me. As I stared down the two mile marker, I told myself that if I can run 5 miles to safety to save my own life, I can walk two more miles to help save someone else’s. I pushed and pushed myself. In my head, I could hear the voices of my friends and family cheering me on. I also kept whispering to myself, “no pain.” When I finally had the finish line in my line of sight, I ran. I ran as fast as my tired legs could carry me. Mild tears filled my eyes, I finished it. I couldn’t believe I finished it and I didn’t finish last. The 12th annual Bar Association 5K Run for Domestic Violence was held on April 28, 2006. Not only did I run in the race, but I came to face-to-face with District Attorney David Soares. Though we’ve had our “issues” in the past, especially due to this particular subject, the assault on me by my own spouse, I took a deep breath and extended my hand to him. I thanked him. He pulled me aside and we had a pleasant talk. Here were two people who never met, both went to the press and called each other liars, among other things, finally having a conversation. When the conversation concluded, David Soares hugged me and I hugged him back. He, I can forgive. Just one more step forward for me. Many more to go.

My husband was indicted today on Felony assault charges. This makes it 106 days since the attack on November 2, 2005.